Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Fatty McFatFat (WARNING: Hurt feelings ahead)

One thing that does not elude me is that I'm fat. I'm overweight. I've known this for many years. It's not like I woke up yesterday and realize "Hey, I'm not thin!" No, that's not the case. I know I'm fat.

People pointing out to me that I'm fat is irritating and can sometimes be offensive. It's as if they think I'm not aware of my girth, when I truly am. Sometimes, it's more annoying than hurtful and other times, it's meant to be nice but it's upsetting.

Today was one of those days. I got my feelings hurt, and though the girl had no idea she was marring my self image, she did. I'm at that stage in my weight loss journey where I don't always think of how people view me, unless they give me a reason to. I am, what some might call, autistically sensitive.

I had just gotten to the college and was sitting down, reading my book and eating my banananananana. The moment I get to school, I become oblivious to other people. I just sit there and do my own thing until it's time to go to class. Well, for the past few weeks, I've noticed this chick, who also sits in the area I'm sitting, she's always staring at me. Mostly when I'm eating my bagel or muffin. It's quite anxious making.

For the most part, I ignore her. People stare at me all the time, I just assume I look odd to people. In the deeper recesses of my mind, I even thought she wanted to befriend me but I'm not the type of person who makes the first move on those types of things. Probably the reason I'm still single.

Anyhow, today she came up and spoke to me. It was very odd, very eerie even. She came up from behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. People who know me best know that I don't like being touched but I cringed slightly and turned towards her.

"Can you come outside, I want to speak with you." Okay. I told her I would and started grabbing up all my stuff in case this was a ploy to steal the two dollars I had in my wallet, I grabbed my bananananana and other junk and walked outside with her.

In my head was reeling the possibilities for this meet up. Maybe she was too shy to talk in front of other people. Maybe she wanted to ask me out (she coulda been a dyke). Maybe she wanted to invite me to a club or some kind of secret society within the school. Maybe she wanted money. It was, for the moment, a slight adventure. At least until we got outside.

When we got outside, I faced her and waited for her to start talking. I set my stuff down and took another bite of my bananananananana. She then started going into this spiel about her weight loss and how she managed to get it off and keep it off. She was still chunky but I didn't say that. I continued to listen as my stomach started turning itself inside out, already aware of what she was about to present to me.

She was pushing this product called Herbal Life, or something to that extent and said in two weeks I could lose twenty pounds.

"I think you would benefit from this," she said as I stood there, starting to blush and pulling my shirt down over my stomach (something I do when I'm nervous, usually about my weight). "I'm not insinuating anything, I think you're beautiful but I think you could use this. It would do wonders for you."

I'm standing there with a confused look on my face and she continues describing it like I give a fuck. She took out a magazine and handed it to me and I just gawked at her.

She started telling me how much it cost and I cut her off right there, saying, "I can't afford this." And walked off. I could have said more, should have said more and wanted to say a lot of things to her. Like how I used to be on the borderline of four hundred pounds. Like how I stopped eating fast food and haven't had it for two years. Like how I have been working off the weight, albeit slowly, for the past two years. Like how I had lost fifty pounds since January. Like how I was already dieting and exercising. Like how none of my clothes really fit me.

Instead, I hung my head and walked away. I went to the second floor of the building, opened up my book and pretended to read it. I was actually staring off in between the words on the page, trying to figure out what led her to approach me with this bullshit. There were other people sitting down, doing homework, eating and reading. Why me?

To others, my girth is overlooked and they can see past that to the personality. But I guess some people are appearance-only types. And while I attempted to lick my wounds and move on, I couldn't shake the feeling of disgust I was suddenly showered with. I'm fat. Others can see it too. It's noticeable. And maybe some people judge me on that.

And what if I was happy with my size? She would have given me a reason to be paranoid. How many people's days does she ruin to push some shit product anyways?

I know I shouldn't let one person bring down my entire day but being the emotional retard that I am, I am thrown back into the depression I was slowly climbing out of. I don't like people assuming things about me. Suddenly, I am very self conscious of the outfit I chose to wear today. I'm overly aware of what I eat. I'm overly aware of how I eat.

One person it took, to ruin my day, which was starting out pretty decent. One person. Someone who didn't even know me. Someone who knows nothing about me. Someone trying to push her products on fat people. Because perhaps, I was the fattest one in the room today.



  1. Good lord! We know you're a beautiful person, no matter what, and I'm very proud of you for all the hard work you've been doing trying to improve your health.

    Maybe you should create and print out some sort of business card on your computer, perhaps with the old bumper sticker slogan: "You're ugly, but I can diet" to share with idiotic clods who think they know what's best for you.

  2. Kimmeh (fat girl extraordinaire)Wednesday, May 19, 2010 2:08:00 PM

    It's the last great discrimination left that's totally acceptable. To make fun, or point out the fat person. I think what fuckers like her fail to see is that if we knew how not to be fat, we wouldn't. We were never given the tools to take care of our bodies like they were. Whether it was good food or mom and dad telling us to get out of the house and get some exercise. It's not like we picked this road to travel, I don't think anyone would but we're here and we don't need mile marker douche bags pointing out our faults along the way. I know how you feel, I feel the same way everyday. I hide myself under my clothes so nobody can see what disgusts me and when the time comes that somebody reminds me that they can see's extremely painful. It's amazing that I still talk to people in general.

  3. I felt very targeted, like she had been stalking me for some time before finally approaching me. She didn't ask anyone else if they were interested in the product she was bitching about, only me. It felt like being violated in a way because, I have a negative image of myself already and having it enforced by some nobody is damaging.

  4. The fucking nerve of some people...God, this pisses me off.
    Please remember how talented you are, Suge, and your gift of hilarity. That is far more important than a clothing size. We loves you!

  5. Isn't Herbalife a total scam anyway, like Amway?
    Still, doesn't give her the right to be rude and personal. Talk about lack of social skills.

  6. It probably is. The way it works is that you drink these herbal life shakes twice a day then eat dinner. They have a bunch of supplements that you're supposed to take throughout the day. Sounds kinda lame, you'll basically be pissing out your ass. I'd rather have something other than a liquid in my stomach. Yeah it'll help me lose weight but I'll probably be starving to death and I don't think that sounds very healthy.

    It was very uncouthful. I dread going to school and seeing her again and yet, I hope she stares because I plan on glaring. If she talks to me again, I'm gonna tell her what's up. How does she know that I'm not okay with my weight? How does she know that I'm not already working out? She doesn't; she made an assumption and generally, an ass out of herself.

  7. Yeah what a dumb, unsocialized, homeschooled bitch. I avoid the bald guy at the gym that likes to give his unnecessary 'work out tips'. I also noticed that he doesn't go out of his way to make other people feel stupid. So what the hell have I been doing that makes me look like I need some major help? You'd think that after all those years of living, people wouldn't fail so badly at life.

  8. I'm sorry, Suge {{{S}}} . Has she bothered you again?

  9. @Mir that really sucks. I would kick his dick off.

    @bink I've seen her once since then and she stared at me but I just ignored her. I want to kick her dick off lolz

  10. If she bothers you again on school grounds, I would report her to the administration for "soliciting". What a cunt.