Time to talk about something serious now...

I would like to discuss an issue, a disease even, that is very near and dear to my heart. Many people aren't aware that it even happens, most people dismiss the idea of it. It is rare and only happens in a handful of people. And most of the time, they have no idea that they are afflicted. Until it randomly pops up.

I'm talking about sleepnomming.



I know, I know. Just hearing about it releases fear in your heart. I was stunned to find out that I, Suge, suffer from such an ailment. I had no idea, no warning, and no way to deal with it. I'm going it alone, and I need your support.

Now, some of you might be wondering exactly what sleepnomming is. Obviously, you have not been updated on the new age of medical illnesses. This isn't something to take lightly. Allow me to explain my illness to you.

A few weeks ago, I had taken a cough medicine to help my cough. It also got me pretty high and made me sleepy. I went to lay down and had a hard time falling asleep because my legs were twitching like a junkie hungry for his next fix. Finally, sleep found me but my sleep was to be interrupted.

The next time I woke up, it was two in the morning. I'm in the kitchen. I'm in mid bite of a piece of pizza. The cat sits on the pizza boxes and watches me, with a WTF look on her face.



Shocked, I threw the crust down and looked around the kitchen. How did I get here? I asked myself. I decided that it had to have been the cough medicine and I went back to bed. Terrified. I've always known I was a sleep walker, but a sleep nommer? Not I! Cleary you jest!

I let the issue slip my mind, but I knew in my subconscious, it was lurking. Would I do it again? When would it happen? Is there a support group for my illness? Can it be cured? Is this why I'm so damn fat?

The questions kept pouring but I deflected them all. I ignored them and went back into my daily routines of loathing life and WalMart people.

A few weeks go by and, I figured it was the cough medicine as I hadn't had another incident. I figured this would be a one time thing.

I was wrong, oh god was I wrong!

A few nights ago, I went to bed twenty minutes earlier than I normally do. I'm comfortable in my REM sleep and then I open my eyes. And I'm in the kitchen again. Ruby is rubbing herself on my legs and I'm nomming a spoonful of peanut butter.



Not only that, I have a handful of chocolate chips. WHAT IS THIS MAGIC?! I ask to no one in particular. I throw the spoon in the sink, put down the chocolate chips and wash my hands because the chocolate had melted and looked like I had issues wiping my own ass.

I got back in bed and hide under the covers. I hadn't taken any medication. I couldn't understand this... I just couldn't...

So we sleepnommers need to stick together. Because, this is an issue that will not go away, not without force. And even then, it'll probably just happen without us even being aware. I don't know much about this disease, as it is newly discovered but, I are scared. I are scared for mah life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But it makes sense as to why my weightloss has slowed. I wonder how many times a week I do this... Curiouser and curiouser...

~Suge